Freethinker Sunday Sermonette: help for the hard of hearing

Sunday. Time to relax with friends, ascquaintances, family, deities, for good conversation, maybe a drink. But some people find it hard to talk to those in authority. Help is on the way, with "Dr." Verkler's money-back guaranteed method, as set out in his $25 dollar book, How to Hear God's Voice. This, from the actual press release (believe me, not even The Onion could make this stuff up):

Buffalo, NY (PRWEB) January 6, 2006 -- Rev. Mark Virkler, Ph.D., president of Communion With God Ministries (http://www.cwgministries.org) and author of over 50 books, is guaranteeing that his latest release, How to Hear God’s Voice (Destiny Image, $24.95), will ensure every reader who follows the steps described will hear the voice of God for themselves. Dr. Virkler says that two decades of conducting seminars on this topic on six continents with a virtual 100% success rate, and Jesus’ own promise that “My sheep hear My voice” (John 10:27), have given him the confidence to make this guarantee.

One of the more poignant statements in Dr. Virkler’s seminars is that “Christianity is about having a relationship with God. How can you have a relationship with someone that you can’t see, can’t feel, and can’t hear? Sadly, that’s the way most Christians live their lives.”

Confidence. That's what we all lack.

In 1979 Dr. Virkler devoted a year of his life to mastering the ability to hear the voice of God. Since that time he has been dedicated to the goal of “saturating the world with the message of communion with God.” (How to Hear God’s Voice is a rewrite of his flagship book Communion With God.)

And it works. Ask Dr. Cho and numerous others:

Communion With God Ministries has received testimonies of learning to hear God’s voice from children, grandparents, African prisoners, Canadian businessmen and even the senior pastor of the largest church in the world (Dr. Paul Yonggi Cho of Yoido Full Gospel Church in Seoul, South Korea, with 750,000 members). Dr. Virkler believes that truly anyone can develop a conversational relationship with God using this simple, biblically-based method.

Rev. Dale Bolton, Senior Pastor of Thornhill Vineyard Church in Ontario, Canada says “When I heard Mark’s material in the early 80’s, it quadrupled my ability to hear God’s voice, taking a lot of the guess work out.” Rev. Thomas Reid, Senior Pastor of The Tabernacle in Orchard Park, New York declares “This course is going to change the nation by building a new generation of people that hear God’s voice and dream God’s dreams.”

Good enough for me. Can I get one? Yes! Published today, your Blessed Day!

The official release date for How to Hear God’s Voice is January 8th, 2006, and it is available for purchase through most major bookstores and distributors. Copies ordered directly from Communion With God Ministries are eligible for Dr. Virkler’s 100% money-back guarantee.

100% money back guarantee! To hear the voice of God! And no special hardware required!

Does my software have to be corrupt?