Sunday, May 28, 2006

Freethinker Sunday Sermonette: feat of Clay

I can get exercised over religion with the best of them, but even I can't out do Pat Robertson. By now you probably all know of his phenomenal feat of strength -- leg pressing 2000 pounds. Here's the official announcement, via the Christian Broadcasting Network website:
Did you know that Pat Robertson, through rigorous training, leg-pressed 2,000 pounds! How did he do it?

Where does Pat find the time and energy to host a daily, national TV show, head a world-wide ministry, develop visionary scholars, while traveling the globe as a statesman?

One of Pat's secrets to keeping his energy high and his vitality soaring is his age-defying protein shake. Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients.

Discover what kinds of natural ingredients make up Pat's protein shake by registering for your FREE booklet today!
That must be some protein shake. As SportsLine's Clay Travis notes:
That would mean a 76-year-old man broke the all-time Florida State University leg press record by 665 pounds over Dan Kendra. 665 pounds. Further, when [Kendra] set the record, they had to modify the leg press machine to fit 1,335 pounds of weight. Plus, Kendra's capillaries in his eyes burst. Burst. Where in the world did Robertson even find a machine that could hold 2,000 pounds at one time? And how does he still have vision? (ClayNation)
Clay, duly impressed, asked to see a work-out and interview The Big Guy (not the one with the long beard in the sky; the one with the condos and limos here on earth):
After about 20 minutes on Robertson's Web site, I managed to find a way to send an e-mail without having to give my credit card information. Here was the text:
"I would like to interview Pat Robertson about his leg-press workout and protein shake. If possible, I would like to accompany Pat on his workout where I could help him stack on the 44 different 45-pound plates he would need to attach to leg press 2,000 pounds. By my calculations, his leg press of 2,000 pounds requires 22 forty-fives and one ten-pounder on each side.

I look forward to hearing back from you,

Clay Travis"
Like Travis, I am in awe of this achievement. In fact, it is so miraculous, if True, I will become a Believer. No more atheism. Just a deeply felt belief in the CBN Protein Shake and its representative here on earth, Dr. Pat Robertson.

A world-class dreck fresser ("leg presser" in Yiddish).